Scars in the making

As a general rule, I won’t be posting religious or political stuff here, but This kid needs to be encouraged to do more of what he did, and that school superintendent needs to be punched in the face.

Until he bleeds teeth.

I have trouble talking to girls and forming healthy relationships with women.  This development was somewhat surprising to most people who knew me when I was that kid’s age, because I never went through the phase where “girls are icky.”  I’d had several female friends and girls I liked before I turned ten, which probably served to buffer my teenage years.  Puberty usually informs young people that they have a sex drive and should be looking for an active reproductive partner, and as a result, you suddenly start noticing members of the opposite sex in new and wonderful ways that you were completely blind to before.

Granted, puberty also makes you stupid, which is why teens tend to do such a mind-bogglingly horrid job of CHOOSING potential reproductive partners, and both educational systems and society at large are compounding this by actively encouraging even worse choice of partners, and encouraging a self-destructive pattern of hooking up and breaking up.

But since I had “started” noticing girls much, MUCH earlier, before my brain was flooded with stupidifying chemicals, I was able to take a more distant perspective on things.  I didn’t start suddenly noticing girls, or even noticing parts of girls I hadn’t noticed before, but I did start to see WHY I was noticing girls a lot more clearly.

Let me tell you a secret.  Girls are INCREDIBLY beautiful.  They’re just fun to look at, and even more so when you can watch how they move.  They’re supposed to be.  Men were programmed to find a potential mate based on how she looks and moves, so women were designed such that their appearance and movement would be pleasing.(Studies have actually found that people who are attracted to women are more visually stimulated, regardless of whether the people in question are themselves male or female.)

So what happened?

When I was 14, I got called into the principal’s office at school and told that someone had filed a sexual harassment complaint against me.  It involved a girl I didn’t even like.  In fact, I hated her, and what probably triggered the complaint was that my hands had touched somewhere they shouldn’t have while I was trying to push her away from me.  After an argument triggered because I was looking at her chest.

Because she, a 14-year-old girl, was wearing a shirt that, frankly, exposed a LOT of cleavage.

Have I mentioned that womens’ bodies are DESIGNED TO ATTRACT MENS’ EYES?

So apparently, touching girls for any reason is sexual harassment.  LOOKING at girls is sexual harassment.

Sugar and spice, and everything nice.  That’s what girls are made of.

“I can’t let any boys come near my daughter.”

A gentleman never strikes a lady.

Boys are gross, throw rocks at them.

Patriarchy.

War on women.

Male sexism.

“PERVERT!” *slap!*

It was the better part of a decade before I could even look at breasts again, and even longer for me to realize that female-on-male violence isn’t automatically justified and it’s never funny.  It’s wrong.  It’s unhealthy.  It’s a sign of an abusive relationship.  It is NEVER appropriate for a woman to hit a man, unless he is being physically violent towards her first, just like it’s not appropriate for a man to hit a woman.  And if a woman is being physically violent with a man, it is ABSOLUTELY appropriate for him to hit her back.

But by then, the damage had already been done.  I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I never will.  And men who come to me for relationship advice will generally get the same response: “Break up with her, it’s not worth it.”

So good job, Robin Gooldy.  Your overzealous attempt to protect women from the evils of male affection will damage every future relationship he ever has with one.  It’s going to stick with him for the rest of his life.

Because it’s stuck with me.

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